Here I lay in bed, weary, tired and broken, wondering if God is here at my side. I think, why is he allowing this to happen to me, why would he not cancel the pain, cure me, make me instantly well?
These are honest questions. I have always looked deeper in trying to find an answer to them all.
Some could say all the answers are in the Bible. As I am sure the answers come to many that read it, but to me the answers do not come to me in that way. Before I had this evil in my body, I already knew the answers to these questions that are so commonly asked. I am fully confident that God is here beside me and he hears me. I have no doubt at all. He told me the answers to all of these questions. He talks to me every single day, but not like a human to human talk. He talks to me through my heart and through my brain. The forces I can feel are real and very warming and beautiful.
They say evil is just the free will that God gave us. I believe it is very much this in many many instances, but a lot of terrible things have nothing to do with being man made. We can look at the evil Holocaust, the 911 Towers, murders....etc. These were caused by man.
Tidal waves, hurricanes, diseases, trees falling over on people, earthquakes....etc. These things were not caused by man. We can say nature caused it, weather caused it. We cannot say that tidal wave that killed 100,000 innocent lives was the will of man. At least I cannot believe these were man made.
How would a good God, a just God, a caring and loving God....allow these terrible things to happen to so many people? Where was he? Why didn't he stop that wave or stop that earthquake?? These are the kind of questions that no one seems to have an answer to. I have asked these questions all my life, and have yet to get a reasonable satisfying answer to them from my fellow humans, including Preachers and other "men of God".
I have always been told, "read the Bible", "pray to God to give you the answers that you seek". I never found these deep answers from the Bible, but I did find them by praying to God. Again, I believe he sees me, knows me and talks to me often. My Faith with God Almighty is as strong as anyone's on earth. No one has more Faith than me, yet I have never read the Bible. Some would say impossible....and I would say they are wrong.
To first understand any of these difficult questions, you must understand that there is a devil, and the devil has all the power to cause all the bad things you see. Whether man made evil or "natural evil", the devil has these things in his arsenal. The devil is extremely powerful and has a lot of tools to win souls. He has money, power, sex, revenge, diseases, greed, the weather, jealousy, pride, ego....and so much more. The devil is actually the most powerful thing on this planet....and he knows it.
The devil only has one single thing that he wants, and that is your soul. That's it. That's all he wants. He understands to get souls he needs to break people's Faith that there is a God. If he can kill 1 innocent life or 100,000 lives to get just one soul, he will do it. All the devil needs is your soul.
Where is God when the devil causes so much pain, one still asks.
.......to be continued
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