Well, here I am the night before the battle officially begins, which is tomorrow (Wednesday 8:30am) that I begin 6 hours of chemo treatment.
I have never voluntarily put any drugs, alcohol or smoke into this body in the almost 61 years I have been here.
Is my body ready to face the incoming poison that will be less damaging than the existing evil? Will I face it ok? Will it bring me to my knees? Will it win and defeat my mind, body and soul? I will honestly say right now....I am scared.
But I will also say, I will fight to continue to live on this planet as long as God, our Creator, the Universe or any other powers that be....will see fit to allow me to. I will do my best to face this as strong as I possibly can.
I anticipate stomach issues, burns on my skin, losing hair, being very weak, being sick, wanting to give up now and then from the pain. I anticipate all this, as I have talked with others that have already traveled this same road.
I can honestly say, I have prepared the best I believe I could have. I have a lot of you good people pulling and praying for me. I thank you for that.
I know this will affect my life in every way and I possibly may never be the same again after this. I must not be blind to the fact that nothing is guaranteed either.
I am scared, no doubt. I will feel fear, no doubt. I will cry often, this I know.
But I will not give up.
My business will suffer. The medical bills are coming in now. I have insurance, but just the deductable and out of pockets costs are starting to take off. I will do what I have to to pay my debts. I will begin soon to start selling things, motorcycles, trucks, trailers, boat...whatever it takes to pay the costs to stay alive. Things mean nothing if I'm not here to experience them. I will start to list things soon I am sure. My credit score is over 800 because I always pay my debts when I sign a contract. These medical services
are all signed contracts.
Tomorrow at 8:30, please send me a positive thought as the line of poison starts to flow through that tube going into my body. That flow of drugs into me is the exact opposite of my very existence. It will surely break me down mentally.... way before it does my body. It is going to make me so sad to watch it happen. Only I can know how bad I feel when I see it going in. I will need God more than ever at this moment to comfort me. This moment is gonna crush my very soul. I truly pray he can give me comfort in this most difficult time.
The next 7 weeks will affect the rest of my time here. Chemo, radiation, petscan, CT scans, doctor appts, good news, bad news, burns, mental tiredness, physical body breakdowns, hair loss.....and so much more. It will not be pretty in any way. I am scared.
They want to do more tests on my prostate, throat, chest, as they cannot be sure it has not spread. That was a shock today, as I thought it was surely contained to my tongue and neck.
Again, the mental ups and downs I would never wish upon my enemy. One second you are ok....the next you start thinking you may not be here in three months. It takes its toll on you.
Tomorrow at 8:30am, close your eyes for 10 seconds and send me a positive thought. I will feel it. I will feel your love for a fellow soul that has entered a very dark place. Please shine some of your light into my darkness to help me see.
For all of you that care, I hope God blesses your soul.
Thank you for keeping me supplied with arrows, as I am going in fully stocked and ready. If God thinks I'm worthy, I will become victorious. If he doesn't, I shall stand before him and be judged.
Either way, I shall fight until I am out of arrows.
May God have pity on me.
Jonny Rock On 🙏🙏🙏❤️