Monday, 10pm, 8.28.23
Oh boy, I'm hurting now. I have hit defcon 8.5 now.
It is extremely difficult to simply swallow my saliva due to massive throat pain. The outside of my neck is completely fried from radiation. Nausea nonstop. Zero energy. Hardly any sleep. This is the most painful fight I could have imagined.
Sometimes I just feel like going to check myself into the hospital and telling them to sedate me for the the rest of this fight. Sometimes.
I hangin on as tight as I can. Total misery.
If I see any of my friends smoking, I'm gonna get a 2x4 and hit them over the head! You do not want this wrath upon you under any circumstances. Please stop smoking, please do less drinking, please take care of yourself. I've never drank, smoked or did any drugs....and here I am. An outlier and a very unlucky individual. Please do not increase your chances of getting this!
6 chemos out of 7 are done.
28 radiations out of 35 are done.
September 7th is last treatment, which is next Thursday.
If anyone out there can throw me a prayer, I'm in desperate need of all of them I can get. I ask God Almighty to simply give me the strength to fight this until I am victorious. I'm praying with all I have for that strength. My mind plays tricks. Sometimes I tell myself I can't take it anymore, and then I find the energy to keep pushing forward.
It is still going to get tougher before it's over. I am ready to stay upright with my bow drawn to fight the devil and his evil. I will not cower to this scum. If I fall to my knees with no strength to stand, I will keep swinging with every ounce of breath I have in me. Please send me more arrows, as I'm doing all I can.
Dear God, please let me take the devil to task and shut him down. Please give me the strength to keep standing, to keep fighting. I'm trying to earn a victory as you said I could. Just steer me between the lines and I will do the rest. I am lonely now, show me you are still beside me, show me the ways and means of victory. I trust in you, I believe in you. This little human needs a little help. Amen.
Thanks again to all of your prayers and support. Please understand it is all I can do to get an update typed every few days. I want to respond to all of your texts, comments and emails, but I just can't right now. I do promise I will respond to every single one as soon as I'm able.
I love you all! 🙏🙏❤️🙏