Today I ponder.
Exactly 365 days ago today, almost exactly at this time of 3:44pm, I received the terrible news that my tests came back positive for Metastatic Carcinoma.
I was devastated. I never really understood what kind of fight was ahead for me.
I do now.
The fight was something I would not want anyone to experience. It humbled me. It changed me.
I do not look at things the same anymore. Most of my new thoughts are good and positive, but the change in some areas might be considered sad.
I only want peace now. I only want to be around others that hate drama. I do not chase nor do I dream about or want fancy things, fancy people and shallow conversations. I just can't help it now.
I need depth, I need to live every second, I need to dream more, I need to be as close to flying like an Eagle that I can possibly be.
I need to run from and stay away from limits that try to latch onto my soul. I need to breath in more mountain air, pet more doggies and fix myself more sandwiches in my truck on hardly traveled back roads again.
I truly feel my time left here is very short now. I'm not even sure it can even be measured in years at all now.
I do not yearn for what most people yearn for. Asking me if I want paper of plastic actually saddens me. I just don't care about these types of questions. Give me substance, productive thoughts, happy thoughts, deep thoughts....and I can talk with you until the sun sets and rises again.
Share your soul with me, I honestly want to hear what it says. I do not care about how deep your wallet is, but rather how deep your soul is. I want to know what excites you, what makes you tick. I want to know what pushes your buttons, what you believe in, and if you still have dreams.
I want to spend time alone or with people that have a passion for life....not people that are wasting life. I can see the sadness in their eyes.
Here I am now, today, 365 days from the moment I though my time here was over. I am near Gainesville on private property at a small spring, by myself. There is no one here and I can hear the ants crawling below me. It is a very calm, peaceful and a fulfilling time. I am very close to my Creator now. I can feel him.
365 days from now, who knows what will have taken place. Today must be lived... because tomorrow may not make it.
My spirit, my soul and my body are merging into one. I can feel myself flapping my wings on a tall tree, ready for flight. It is a feeling that words cannot describe. I am so ready to soar high above the trees, lakes and valleys.
I ask you to fly with me!
Sometimes when you have been so low, with so little hope.....when you finally get back to sea-level, you feel like you are on the top of Mt. Everest! It is incredible!
As I sit here on a rock beside this private clear cool spring, I think of God.
I think God has talked to me many of times in my battle. I think sometimes he does not speak to you in plain language or something easily to understand. He makes you seek him before he talks to you. I looked very very hard for him when I was in my last battle, in the hospital, in the fetal position. I seen him, I prayed, I talked to him....
...and he talked back. He gave me hope, energy. He filled my spirit, he lifted me by grabbing my hand and a feeling came over me to just hang on! I know it was him. I know it.
Some people have told me that I talk to a fake "sky daddy" and other similar things. It was no sky daddy that talked to me. It was the real deal. It was our Creator, it was my God that I worship. Anyone can believe what they want to, but you cannot make another person "not believe" in something they have experienced and witnessed.
Normally, believers and non believers are exactly split down the middle at being 50% correct on what they believe or not. Neither side, most of the time, have no proof of either belief.
Most of the time.
I have proof to me. I felt it, I spoke to him and knows he exists. When you are down and you witness it, it is an unbelievable calmness that takes over every ounce of your being.
My only wish, is that everyone can feel it, but not have to be so down to experience it.
Every leaf on every tree is so special. Every baby, every animal and every human being.
The devil is in the business to win souls, but if you sincerely seek divine help to slay the demons, you will get help, but do not confuse that help with staying alive.
The devil can take you and other human being on this planet at any time physically......but can't get your soul unless you give it to him.
God gave you a short time here. He gave you, your very own Temple (your body). Take care of it. Cast out the devil's toys and his tools, like liquor, cigarettes, lust, drugs and self abuse.
Yeah, I guess I am preaching again. Sometimes I just can't help it. Jan 24, 2021 I had the terrible brain bleed from nowhere, 365 days ago I got the dreaded news and the evil can**r in my throat....a few weeks ago I got bad news it had most likely came back and has spread.
Last week, the biopsy came back that all 4 places were benign.
I have been given 3 chances. I need to search heavily for the reasons why I have pulled through. God is not done with me yet. He did not directly save me from the devil, but he gave me the energy and ability to go toe to toe with the devil and hold him off for the 3rd time.
I know the devil will come back, I hope at least 20 years from now or more, but he will take me physically one day. I have no choice on him getting my body one day......
...but it will be a cold day in hades before he gets my soul!
I'm so alive right now. It is amazing! I wished everyone could feel what I feel. I have been overtaken.
God Bless Us All,
Father Jon (jokingly) 🙂
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