Thursday 3am, 8.17.23
Updated: Aug 20
Writing to save my sanity. 😊
Can't sleep, high anxiety, nausea, throat....bla bla bla. It gets very tough sometimes, that is for sure. Since I don't know what it means to quit, I just hang in there and know this moment shall pass.
I really do compare it to running a Half Marathon. You start off on fire but by mile 6 you have settled in and taking all kinds of mental and physical hits. You count each mile completed and focus on the next single mile. You legs are tired, your lungs say slow down and walk.......but in your soul, deep down inside, you know you must not walk, you must not slow down and you must absolutely never quit. After the finish is within a few miles, quitting is out of the picture. Going 11 miles and then walking or quitting is no longer an option. The only question now is, will I cross that finish line strong in my mind and soul....or will I cross that line beaten up, bleeding, crying and hurting from head to toe? The answer is simple, I will be all of these things.....but the point is.....I will make it and I will not give up or quit. In my mind, I am a champion inside... no matter how I finish.....and sometimes finishing is all there is left. The Medal for this race...is the Medal to live.
Not too many hours ago, I did my 5th out of 7th chemo treatments. I only have 2 more to go! Thank you Jesus!🙏🙏🙏
I did my 20th radiation out of 35, only 15 left to go! Yessss! September 7th is the finish line. I got it in sight and it's starting to pull out the reserves from deep within me. I really feel glad that I have more reserves hidden inside. This battle would be brutal or worse for people that have no reserves. I really feel that running and exercising has allowed reserves to be built up inside of me, and for that I am grateful for.
I am still driving myself to all appointments, as after each one I rest in my Rockstar camper until I'm up for a safe drive home. I hope it can remain this way. SuperNurse lives in Tampa and still has to work, so she can't be here as much as I would like. Luckily, I have been able to handle it. 🙏🙏
I cannot stress this enough. Every Doctor has said I'm an outlier. I'm in the less than 10% that gets this evil in the back of mouth. They all ask when I first talked with them, "are you a smoker, drinker and do you exercise at all". They said 90% of this evil will get these type of people. Please stop smoking, please drink less and please exercise. Please. If not for yourself.....do it for your family!
Why on earth am I craving a big huge fat veggie pizza from Uno's lately?? I am going to have me one of these as soon as I can eat and swallow. The waitress there is going to think I have been stuck on an island somewhere...ha.
Ok, I'm gonna try to sleep again, I'm feeling a little drowsy now. Fed me some Boost through this goofy feeding tube (yummy right?).
I just gotta keep thinking that 3 beautiful things are waiting for me at the finish line, God.....all of you......and a large veggie pizza from Uno's! 😁❤️🙏
Rock on all you beautiful people!
Jonny Rock Jpeg