Wow, everything is turned upside down. This final chemo battle has taken its toll like never before. I like to think of myself as strong to some degree, but these past eight days have brought me to tears like never before.
Last Monday, I felt ready to collapse, so I decided to go to my doctor and get an IV of liquids to help me in this battle. Upon arriving, my friendly, beautiful Nurses set me in the chair and attached an IV. They saw my real pain so much that they notified my doctor, and he said, "Get to ER now for serious pain meds." The Nurses have seen me during all times of this almost two year battle. They said they had never seen tears in the eyes of "Superman" and realized I needed help. I so thank every ounce of my being for these beautiful souls. God will be kind to these types of people.
I get in ER almost at the bottom of my collapse. The ER doctor looked at me and realized my pain was real and got me this drug called dilaudid, and it brought me back to life. I instantly had very little pain. This is one very strong drug!
After two days and nights in the hospital, getting meds and liquids nonstop around the clock. My white blood cells were off the chain upon arrival. I got dilaudid every 4 hours. Every single time, it put me in la la land with very little pain. After two days of this cycle, they figured I could go home. My white blood cells were still high but were coming back down.
After arriving home, I felt ok, but after 4 hours passed without dilaudid, the pain came back to me. It's almost like I never went to the hospital.
Today is Saturday, and I have not turned the corner yet. The mouth pain is almost the same, yet the bleeding lips are a little better. This thing is beating me up badly. I am not giving up, but I'm unsure how much a person can tolerate this pain without wanting to give in. I am hoping I turn the corner soon, as it is very tiring to the mind and body. This is the longest "foot race" I have ever done in my life. I am searching desperately for the visual of the finish line. I can't see it yet.
I can only eat warm oatmeal and soup. I drink warm Silk chocolate milk and Boost only. I can not sleep much at all. Soaked sheets from sweat to being very cold in minutes. Hacking up stuff from a monster movie to pain at times that leaves me only two things to do...pray harder and cry. I have done both more than my entire life this past eight days.
Many things cross my mind as I try everything to sleep. I think our health matters more than anything on this earth. When your health is gone or in jeopardy, nothing else matters here. Every single thing in my life means nothing without my health and God.
We can have lots of God, but no health. I believe God wants us to put an effort into living better for our bodies and not just praying to him when we are in trouble because we let our bodies go.... letting it go towards welcoming the diseases instead of holding strong to defeat them.
Those of you who smoke are tempting what I am feeling and fighting now. Those of you who may drink every day are doing the same. If you get out of wind by walking 100 yards at a fast pace, your body needs some help. At least try going for a mile walk every day. Look at any bad habits and slowly reduce them. I say this because if I was not a runner before this, I absolutely do not think I would have made it this far.
This devil's disease can still get me even with all that said, but why would anyone want to increase the chances of getting this?? Please seek advice, join of group of others in a walk group, a jogging group, a bicycle group, yoga, a beginners health group....anything to reduce the chances of a shorter life or a life that has a lower standard of quality that God intended for us. I only say this from inside this terrible chamber I am in. I am in here looking out at you. Please, you do not want to be in this chamber. I'm simply trying to spark something inside you that helps you. I mean no offense.
It will be nighttime again soon, time to sword up for another round with the evil devil. Night times are way tougher than day times. I'm not sure why. It is almost torture, but with Faith as my sword and God as my Shield... I still have a chance!
Thanks everone for all the support on my facebook page (Jonathan Jonny Simpkins) my blog (Jonnyjpeg.com) and though my GoFundMe (which I only use to reach my irrigation friends, as I do not need anymore donations), for which I am blessed.
My next update will hopefully be after I have turned this horrible corner of this terrible fight.
Jonny, the guy that refuses to quit fighting!
May God Bless Us All.
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