Whew, it is getting tougher indeed.
I drove to Winter Haven from Orlando yesterday to eat lunch with my Brother Mark for his (haha) "39th birthday." 😁. That was fun, but I barely made it back to Orlando before my body started shutting down. I think I will now only drive myself to treatments and back home. (If I can even keep doing that even).
There are several things happening to my body now, along with the intrusion of dangerous drugs. I understand that chemo is like a cluster bomb to the body, but I have accepted that it must happen if I am to keep living.
The chemo wreaks terrible things on your body. My stomach is constantly in nausea. It is the kind of feeling that controls you. You cannot eat, you cannot relax, you cannot hardly think clearly and it wears you out.
I have no taste at all now. My weight has dropped some, but not lower than it has been in the past 6 months. I suppose it will continue dropping....I just hope I can eat enough to slow it down.
One must keep hydrated with chemo, as the kidneys are taking the brunt of the poison. Kidney damage can develop if I can't keep hydrated. I'm trying as hard as I can. The throat is so raw and sore that you can barely drink water. I am still able to eat smooth stuff, like applesauce, spaghetti, pudding, oatmeal...etc.. for now. I am sure using the feeding tube is not far off now, as I am already close to the borderline with swallowing. I pray I can last a little longer eating through my mouth.
I find many things in life I have taken for granted. Eating, relaxing, traveling, sleeping.....and just about everything else. Never again will that happen!
They have told me that 90% of this kind of c..... comes from smoking. I'm an outlier, I'm the unlucky 10%. Yeah, it does seem like "the clean living ones always get it".....but the facts are that smoking destroys the throat. If I could beg all of you smokers, I would beg you to stop smoking. I would not wish this upon an enemy. It breaks you down from all directions. Please seek whatever help you need to stop something that puts you in the 90% range. If not for yourself, do it for your family. Please. 🙏
The radiation is a whopper too. I'm not sure how much other damage it is doing to my body, but the throat is under major attack. I have finally had to succumb to medications to try to comfort the stomach and throat, but so far, those meds are not helping much.
I guess to sum it all up, I am getting weaker, I'm nauseated almost always, I'm growing very weary and tired. My mind is playing tricks. The feeding tube is a nightmare of pain and discomfort.....but even with all this......I am blessed to still have a chance to live some more. I have 30 more days of treatment. I'm sure I can treat it like a Marathon and just hit it one day (one mile) at a time.
Today may be the end of my 306 day running streak, because every day I dress out, walk to the starting point and start jogging.....but I know one day soon (perhaps today) I will dress out, walk to the spot.....and turn around with a tear in my eye because I just can't do one single mile. To me, that will be a very sad day.
I love all of you for showing support. It helps me fight the good fight. Without my SuperNurse, Wendy, Carl, Family and special friends.....I would not be worthy. Thank you!
God Bless! 🙏🙏🙏❤️