I'm still in the fight. The devil is landing some punches......but so am I. I'm not sure anymore where I stand with the evil one. I'm not sure if I am winning or losing, all I know I must keep punching
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I had the chemo pump put back on me yesterday and it stays on until Friday. So I have 96 hours of a slow drip of this body poison being injected into my artery. I have no choice really. I must do what I hope will give me another chance at living this beautiful thing called life.
This is the 2nd round of chemo out of 6. Each chemo cycle takes 3 weeks to complete. The total cycle is 18 weeks. I hope I have the mental and physical strength to make it to the finish line. I pray every night and every morning for just being alive for one more day.
I feel fine right now, but the sad thing is I do understand what is coming in the next week. All of this takes a huge toll on me mentally every day. I find it weird that here I am hoping and praying to live just 10 more years..... and there are people out there thinking of suicide or not caring to live at all anymore. Sometimes it just don't seem fair.
Sometimes I forget that only the devil tortures us, not my God. My God is here, but he cannot intervene directy in stopping evil. I am just a bite of a cheese sandwich compared to my two brothers that were taken already. I feel like prayers from others can create a "smokescreen" that makes it hard for the devil to see me. I think perhaps that if the evil one gets distracted by not finding me for a period of time, that he will leave me alone and I can recover. Perhaps as many prayers that call to God on my behalf will allow me to escape the clutches of the devil. Perhaps.
I know we all have to die one day, but when you start thinking it could be way sooner than you thought, it scares you pretty bad. Almost all the time.
My soul aches for a time of total happiness again. A time peddling a bike through the beautiful woods, cooking S'mores in Montana, boating on the beautiful lakes..... and just simply sitting in a lawn chair after a nice long run. Oh how I wish.
I would do just about anything to live 10 more years..... the only thing I will not do is lose my Faith that my God will be the one to judge me and decide where I shall live eternally when I do leave this beautiful earth.
I ran a 5k last Sunday evening in 29:40 (a 9:35 mile pace) It is kinda crazy to think I should be able to still do that with all that has happened to me since June 22 of 2023. But oh how it thrilled me and made me feel much better. I never got addicted to drugs, sex or alcohol..... but I did get addicted to motorcycles, racing and running. I guess I didn't do too bad.
I never did locate a house to rent near Orlando that matches my needs. If anyone knows of one, please let me know. I only need it for 6 months.
Right now this minute, I am feeling very good. 5 minutes from now I may not. I try to hide the down times, but sometimes I just can't do it. If I am with any of you that reads this and a bad time hits me, please bare with me a few minutes, I will recover.
Anyhoo, I just wanted to update things and say hello to everyone. I cannot give you people enough thanks for praying and helping me fight the devil. I hope I can see and hug every one of you when this is over.
My soul thanks you.
May God bless you all,
Jonny, the life lover
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