After I was diagnosed last year, before treatments, I had a very strong and realistic dream. It was so real when I woke up, I actually thought it had really happened.
The dream showed many doctors talking in front of me... about me. I could hear them saying "we are baffled and we do not understand what happened to the can××r". This was my dream.
Two weeks ago, my 1st biopsy results were negative for can**r, but those results could not be accepted by the doctors. They met and discussed and decided a 2nd biopsy was needed. Surely something must have been missed on this 1st one.
This past Friday night around 8:30pm, I got my 2nd biopsy results back on my online portal. The results were the same as the 1st biopsy. Negative for can**r and it was benign.
This brought me a flood of relief that cannot be described in words. I was so happy to finally believe I could be around to enjoy this great world and great life that I have. I could finally really plan on my much needed vacation on July 15th. I was so very happy.
I had my doctor appointment yesterday, Monday at 2pm. I was expecting beautiful things from him. He voice was not very excited when we spoke. He said great on the benign results and it showed no can**r, but then said he still cannot let it go.
He said "none of this makes sense. You had an SUV number on the petscan of 21. We showed it grew by 2mm". He came just short of saying "we know you have can*er inside you, but we can't exactly get the results to show it. The SUV numbers don't lie".
So, no vacation for me. I'm crushed again, just 6 days before leaving. I could just go anyway, but I would not have fun unless I know I'm clear and not have to go through treatments again.
I have another doc appt on Tuesday to know what the doctors have in mind. I'm not sure what that plan may be.
I am still on the rollarcoaster and back into a low valley again.
I keep thinking back to my realistic dream I had long ago. The doctors are baffled now today with two negative biopsies and they still can't believe that I'm clear.
After next Tuesday, when I see what they determine, I will seek a new full 2nd opinion, even though I respect and trust my doctor. I cannot blame him for being cautious on my behalf. I actually appreciate it, but a 2nd opinion is very needed here.
God is close by. I can see him. I talk to him. He was smiling last Friday when I got the great news, so I trust his plan.
I still believe the devil can take me or any of us at any time, no matter how much God loves us. The devil has control of when and where we leave the earth....but God always has control of where we spend eternity. 70 to 80 years, is a grain of sand on a beach, compared to eternity!
To me, a Miracle is simply the devil getting mad and storming off, allowing an Angel to get to you. No one knows if and when... the devil will get frustrated and walk away.....but don't ever ever stop throwing rocks at the evil horned one. One may hit him on the head, allowing you an escape route opened up by an Angel. Be ready for that path of escape to be exposed for you at each and every moment. Then run like you've never run before down that path. Ha, maybe this is why I have been running so much. I have been training for this exact moment. 🙂 The devil will never catch me if that path is opened! I will win that Age Group every time! 🙂
I am throwing rocks at the devil. I am trying to hit him with my irrigation shovel. I am not afraid to look him into the eye and punch him in the nose. I will not make it easy for him. I will fight him all the way until he or I run out of every ounce of energy in our beings. If he does win this battle, his glory will be shortlived, as my last thought here will be pleasant and I guarantee you my last function on earth....will be a smile....because I know losing a battle, does not mean you lose the war.
The war against evil will always go on, and all of us will lose that one battle of life and death one day in our future. We are not invincible....we are human and we will all die.
I think I may be wearing out the buttons and clamps on my armor of steel, as I am now putting it back on again, grabbing my irrigation shovel and re-entering the ring for round #10...or maybe round #20...I guess I lost count...ha.
My soul, my mind and my body, are of course a little bloody now.....but the devil is not exactly whistling dixie and smiling. I landed some good ones to his red dome. I'm glad I have became very good with the art of my shovel, as the clunk of it striking the evil devil in the head is actually quiet fulfilling!
Anyhoo, I'm going back in the ring and will know more next week. I'm ok.
Thanks again to my friends, my clients, my family. Your spiritual support helps me from going insane from this crazy rollarcoaster of a ride.
I love you all!
Jonny, the guy that will never stop punching the devil in the face...ever!
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