I hope everyone is having a great and wonderful Christmas.
I am here on Christmas day alone with no human contact. I can't eat anything but oatmeal or potato soup. The bleeding open sores on my lips and the canker sores under my tongue, will not let me eat anything else. The heavy fatique keeps me in the bed. Sometimes a sadness tries to enter my mind and soul. I yearn for deep conversations, but can't find any. Little things, possessions, glitter, small talk.....all of these things are moving further and further away from me.
I realized that this terrible disease has changed me in many ways. I am not sure if all changes or good or some of them may be considered bad, but I cannot deny these changes have, and are taking place.
I am moving into a personal spiritual level that is making me open my eyes to all that is really important to me and my life. It can be quiet refreshing, yet it can be very sad at the same time.
I lay here alone, seeing all the happy posts and pictures on social media, yet I have no one here to even talk to. Some may say they I must be very hurt or sad, but to a certain extent, I am not. This has forced an awakening in my soul and in my life.
I have realized that my life and what makes me happy, must be pursued. I must walk away, leave or not participate in anything that takes away from me fully enjoying the unknown short time I have left.
My emotions are off the chain now. It seems like my eternal frequency has changed. My participation of shallow things, shallow conversations and shallow people are crawling towards an eventual total stop. I can feel it.
Every second to me counts now. I feel like my soul needs to fly high with the eagles at every single opportunity. I feel blessed that I still have a chance to soar, even if that time may be short.
I believe that unless you are terminal or very sick, it is hard to understand. I believe people that have not been in a nasty fight with devil, that they really cannot relate or fully understand. I do not say that as a negativity to those that have never been here, I just want them to know these battles and terrible fights with the devil does take its toll on the mind, soul and body. It changes people. It cannot be overlooked. Chances are the person you may love and know before the battle are not the same person after or even during the battle.
On this beautiful special Christmas day, I find myself closer to my God than ever before in my life. Notice, I say "my God". Whomever or whatever ways you believe is none of my business and my particular beliefs should not bother you as well. I personally know my God and there is no human being that can tell me my way is wrong. I talk with him every single day!
I am on a different spiritual level than I have ever known. I do not know exactly the travel or journey that I will be on, as the clock of my life ticks forever closer to midnight. As soon as I am able, God willing, I must start my new journey.
I have no idea why I have this instant feeling to write all this down at this time, but I could not ignore it.
To all my friends and to all the people I have known or met, I say to you...thank you. Thank you for being my friend and I hope to get as many hugs from you as possible before my time is done here.
My life has truly been a fun and beautiful experience. I would only change the few terrible things I've done in my earlier life. If God does have mercy, I sure hope he uses it on me for those sins.
To anyone out there reading this. If you are alone, if you are terminal, if you are fighting addictions created by the devil, if you are very sad for an unknown reason, if you need deep conversation..... whatever you need.....contact me. Maybe this strange weird dude can make you feel a little better or heck maybe even make you smile. I can also listen very clearly, as long as what we talk about has meaning. Reach out to me, if the darkness is closing in on you. I want to help, as it is the starting of my new journey.
Thank you all for everything.
Jonny, a guy on a different frequency
Johnny, I don’t know you, but my friend Rich Viggiano sent me to read your post. Here is a prayer I prayed for you.
Prayer to Jesus:
Jesus, I lift up Johnny to You. You see him in his suffering, his sadness, and his loneliness. Thank You for being near to the brokenhearted and for promising never to leave us or forsake us. I ask that Your healing power would touch Johnny’s body, mind, and spirit. If it is Your will, bring about a miraculous recovery that will glorify You and strengthen his faith. Surround Johnny with Your wrap-around presence and let him feel Your love so tangibly that he knows he is never alone. Place people in his life…